America's post‑war institutions were shaped by the politics of the Cold War—the belief that communism, not fascism, was the primary threat. That choice created systems that exposed women to forms of targeted, fascist, patriarchal control. My own experience is part of that larger story: When institutions fail women and punish vulnerability, they often look for a pretext, and in my case, my past involvement in escorting became a convenient excuse. It has been used to sabotage every aspect of my life, denying me the career and financial stability I’ve worked hard for, despite my education, discipline, and commitment to building a legitimate future. The deeper issue isn’t my past; it’s the way certain systems weaponize purity politics and patriarchal norms to control women’s lives and punish those who don’t fit traditional expectations. What happened to me reflects a broader pattern of institutional oppression—one that can derail a woman’s trajectory, undermine her accomplishments, and erase the success she has earned.

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“Sociologists have frequently observed that governments use punishment primarily as a tool of social control, and thus the extent or severity of punishment is often unrelated to actual crime patterns.”

Michelle Alexander, The New Jim Crow

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I don't want readers to get lost in graphic sexual specifics. And in fact, it just distracts from the actual injustice I want to bring awareness to. This isn't a story about sex. It's about sabotage. I was targeted by the CIA. This isn't about escorting; escorting was the pretext. I was sabotaged because I am a woman with potential, elite educational accomplishments, and romantic desirability. The irony is that my life has been defined more by sexual anorexia than it has by sexual activity. Aside from the limited encounters I have had tied to escorting, I have had almost no sexual life for the last twenty years. But in order for people to judge fairly the extent of what I have done to be the target of decades of covert sabotage, I have to share the context. The truth is simple: The scale of the sabotage has nothing to do with sex and everything to do with institutional systems that target women. 

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I did have an ad up on several escort websites, and I did work for an escort agency. I started in the fall of '01, but I was young and struggling with alcoholism while looking into other jobs and very inconsistent with it in the beginning. I stopped doing it after the ’08 crash in '09. I tried again to put an ad on the internet in ’12 and saw probably two or three men, and then again in ’17 for a few months I worked for an escort agency. I saw probably around two hundred men I actually had sex with, and this is because a lot of guys, about a third or maybe half of the guys I saw working for agencies I just let masturbate while I got into sexual poses. I wasn’t selling a real banger sexual experience, either, because most of the men, like 98 percent of the men, I saw only saw me once. I only had like five to eight guys who actually saw me more than once. And this is because I was widely considered by the guys to be a rip off. Some of the guys I only gave hand jobs to because they couldn’t afford more. I only peck kissed a little over half of them, with the remaining guys I did more French kissing. It was never passionate French kissing; it was definitely always perfunctory French kissing. And a little over half of the guys I gave blow jobs to I used a condom on them. When I had sex, I always used condoms. I never, ever did anal. The one time I actually let a guy have sex with me without a condom was when a guy gave me $5K for a weekend trip. After ’08, when it became more common in the escorting business to charge less and do more sexual stuff with the guys, I argued that the business was becoming a race to the bottom. I had started studying trading in ’08, and I found trading and the markets to be fascinating, so I resolved to deal with all my problems in life by focusing on trading. Later my trading losses, because of CIA attacks, became a huge problem, and the business seemed more like a gambling disorder due to covert bioweapon sabotage.

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I didn’t know that women who get in that job get in trouble for doing it. If I had known, I wouldn't have touched that business with a ten-foot pole. Some women know. That is unfair. We should all know from a young age, so we can make better plans for ourselves, that sugar dating isn’t an option. It cost me more than I ever made doing the job. If women knew, we wouldn't do it, with the exception of women who are a few drug binges away from dying from a drug overdose. Those are the only type of women sugar dating is definitely appropriate for, but only if she dies from drugs, not if she recovers. It's that bad of a job opportunity. This is a money-making opportunity that sets women up for a lifetime, if not decades, of covert sabotage. 

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From my perspective, though, when I was younger, and I didn't know that the women will get in trouble for doing it, it seemed like the girls who did sugar dating stuff were sophisticated, stylish, and making good money successfully seducing elite men, which I honestly thought was amazing. I had two options, either be a hater in the sense of being bitter and angry about the attention they are getting from men or try the job myself. It made more sense psychologically for me to not be a hater. I thought of it as similar to this wealth-attracting spirituality maxim: If you want to attract wealth into your life, you don't criticize and judge wealthy people. Similarly, if I want to attract dating success, I wouldn't judge women as being "bad" for having success with men. I admired the women most successful with sugar dating for offering men compelling romantic experiences.

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Now that I know it’s a trap and that the girls get in trouble for doing it, especially after being affected by these women dating men I’m interested in dating, men who after dating these women, weren’t interested in dating me; women who were doing more sexual stuff than what I did; women who have gotten their clients totally smitten and have a good income and live comfortably and have many loyal and generous repeat customers; women who were taking better care of themselves while I was getting fat driving Uber for nine years, I see how these women are annoying, and it’s disorderly and disruptive behavior, eschewing legitimate work to be an escort. But I remember for myself, it’s not that I eschewed legitimate work to be an escort, I didn't; that's why I work as hard as I do. What happened was that after massive efforts at trying to get legitimate work, the only thing that actually has ever worked for me was stripping and later escorting, and that was likely because of covert sabotage. So for those women who did sugar dating more in the extreme in a way that is extremely disruptive and disorderly, even the ones who obnoxiously stole all my breadcrumbs, I feel empathy for them because the CIA totally let them get away with it and made sure they were getting paid well, so they could later sabotage them for doing it. 

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The real problem really isn't women who offer men compelling sugar dating experiences. So let's fully acknowledge what the real problem is: There is a pattern I have seen particularly among the ethnic minority men in Los Angeles and also white men. They aren’t integrating well romantically. Women are outperforming men in academics among the Gen Z. How does that work out when women want to date intelligent, successful, educated men? There’s no excuse for gross romantic negligence, and Americans shouldn’t have too much empathy for such antisocial disengagement and poor follow-through in learning romantic skills. Opting out of integrating well romantically isn’t a harmless lifestyle choice. It shrinks the pool of worthy romantic matches, drives down birthrates, and undercuts the population strength a civilization needs to remain powerful. It denies single and divorced women the romantic experiences necessary to be our happiest, most romantically competent selves. It puts heavy pressure on handsome, romantically competent men, driving them to cheat, date multiple women, and have children with more than one woman. Ultimately, romantically inert American men cause widespread pain: fierce, cut-throat competition among women for career and romantic opportunities; women being unfairly and cruelly denied the opportunities we more than deserve because these opportunities would make us competitive in dating; livelihoods and life paths utterly derailed by such competition; parents’ lives cut short because their daughters, due to covert sabotage, are unable to help them deal with their health problems; relationships, often families, torn apart; single mothers unable to find men to be stepfathers; and there has already been at least fifty years of perhaps one hundred and fifty million intelligent, beautiful women affected, women who wanted marriage and children or remarriage or more children but never got the chance. The losses are enormous: millions of some of the most talented people the world has ever known not born. I want to be clear that I have empathy for American women. I don't think the way to deal with men not integrating well romantically is to sabotage beautiful, intelligent, hard‑working women. In this dynamic, when men withdraw from romantic development, the burden doesn’t vanish — it gets displaced onto women, and that displacement becomes a quiet form of profoundly malefic social harm, a distortion in the social fabric that women are forced to absorb at every level of their lives.

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Here is what I believe happened to me: In an effort to "correct" for men who aren't better at offering women compelling romantic opportunities, I was targeted in ways that took away from me the credit I deserve for my grit, work ethic, and educational accomplishments. Instead of being supported in building a legitimate career, I was quietly pushed toward escorting through repeated sabotage of my attempts at normal employment. Escorting became the pretext--not the reason-- for every aspect of my life being sabotaged for, at least, the last thirty years. Even now, after studying the trading business in earnest for eighteen years, I am being attacked by the CIA with biological weapons to prevent me from being successful in this business. Because covert sabotage operates with plausible deniability, I may never know the full extent of the sabotage. But even if covert sabotage played a role in pushing me toward escorting, I should’ve not ever considered doing something illegal, even if everyone said that it’s de facto decriminalized. I was young, confused, but now I know, and I agree that sugar dating can be disruptive and disorderly, and it’s not even something lawmakers are seriously considering decriminalizing. I made a mistake. I acknowledge it fully — but acknowledgment is not consent to a lifetime of sabotage. 

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As far as my punishment goes, what makes it especially cruel is that I actually did follow through with educational accomplishments and the hard work of learning valuable career skills. The sabotage I've faced seems designed to prevent me from getting credit for these accomplishments, and that has been demeaning. Unfortunately, there's more to my story than a few years of working as an escort. I’ve known women — including a lawyer and a TV writer — who also worked in the sugar dating industry, got out, and moved on with their lives. In contrast, I had a sugar dating relationship that lasted from '10-'20, although actually the last time I saw him was September '16, so for four years after last seeing me, he was still sending me money. During that time, he gave me $526,350. Earlier in this missive I had mentioned that I had five or eight men who actually saw me more than once. One of them was married, and so I had misgivings about that. I knew he was seeing other escorts because I contacted them to verify him before I saw him, so that made me feel like I personally wasn't at fault for his marital problems. I did, however, feel like the time I was spending seeing men was distracting me from learning valuable career skills. So when one of my clients had offered to have an exclusive deal with me, I thought that made a lot of sense: Why would I concern myself with being an escort when I could be focusing on obtaining valuable career skills? At the time, I believed that I had legitimately scored this opportunity. Now I see it as yet another way sabotage shaped my path, making even my attempts at building a legitimate future look illegitimate in hindsight.

 

I spent the money from my friends‑with‑benefits relationship on basic survival and self‑care: my car, cell phone, rent, utility bills, medical appointments, food, office supplies, the occasional Medi spa treatment, hair stylists, massages, gym memberships, supplements, egg freezing fertility treatments, and over $400 a month in interest on credit card debt that I used to pay for the fertility treatments. I lost $57,507 from '09-'25 in my trading account. And because of the constant covert sabotage, I wasn't able to use the money to buy a home, and despite the income, it always seemed like I never had enough money. Unexpected expenses kept coming up, like having to replace a car because the engine blew right after I finished paying it off. And even though I was renting apartments, I could never get meaningful career work done. I don't know the full extent of CIA bioweapon sabotage, but I do know that my ability to focus improved dramatically after I moved back in with my parents in '17. And this is still somewhat true, even though since November '24, I've endured a year and a half of severe cognitive dysfunction that has made me completely unable to work. Because I had always gained weight very easily, during the years I lived alone, most of my time was consumed by dieting and exercise. I pushed myself with extreme discipline. I would lose weight, but then I would gain all the weight back as soon as I slowed down the pace of my intense diet and exercise routine. Now I know that my dieting and exercise routine was also stuck in no-results sabotage mode. And although I don't know the full extent of their sabotage, it seems to me that the CIA can use bioweapons to make someone's diet and exercise routine a complete waste of time. That's what I believe happened to me. 

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Now I think the sabotage I’ve endured is tied to extortion, and that I’m expected to generate significant federal tax revenue before the interference stops. This will be hard, though, moving forward in a trading business I've never actually made any money in while being constantly attacked. I don't even know if I can make the money. That uncertainty is part of why I created this website: There are people who think I shouldn’t be allowed to work in trading at all, and I want to push back on that. The real issue isn’t women being tricked into sugar dating and then punished — that's the solution. The deeper problem is the romantic imbalance created by men who aren't better about offering women compelling romantic opportunity, leaving women to bear the consequences. My life has been sabotaged not because of escorting, but because I am a woman who wants high‑quality romantic opportunity and legitimate career and financial opportunities that make me competitive in dating. Patriarchal systems often conflate women’s oppression with men’s desirability, as if limiting women’s opportunities is necessary to restore men’s romantic advantage. But men are not being starved of romantic access. In cities like Los Angeles, Las Vegas, and New York, men are literally being offered sex constantly, and yet its the women who are punished — as if it were the men who are the ones suffering from a lack of romantic opportunity. And, therefore, under this logic, it's the women who deserve to be denied career and financial opportunities because it's easier for women and hard for guys.

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What I am suggesting here is that if sabotage is being used on women to “correct” for men who aren’t better at offering women romantic opportunity, then the correction is aimed at the wrong people. Instead of addressing men’s romantic disengagement, the system punishes women — even though women are not the source of the problem. There are far too many men whom American society seems to appreciate far too much taking into account how little effort they put into offering women compelling romantic opportunity. This has got to stop. Now that I understand that covert government agencies have the power to make someone’s life impossible or full of opportunity, I believe they should consider how well men have integrated romantically when deciding who to intervene against. And we should most value the men who actually liberate women to be given legitimate opportunities, not the men who passive-aggressively opt out of romantic sophistication and leave women to bear the consequences, forcing covert government agencies to patriarchally oppress women for wanting meaningful romantic lives.

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